Love you Dad!

My dad, skydiving or scuba diving, handsome as they come!

Charming the ladies!

He passed in 1998 and I think of him every single day.

  Right now I am sitting here with a grin from ear to ear - I swear you are hanging out right behind me just laughing and smiling away.  You inspired my love of plants (my first career!) by letting me help you rake and tend those citrus trees in the front yard.  Grapefruits and lemons for sure, what else was there?  And you used to get so mad at us kids for picking the fleshy leaves off those big succulent bushes we had - we'd throw them at each other and they'd get everywhere, lol.  They also made great hopscotch markers, much to your chagrin I'm sure.  Later on when you were in Topanga I bought you that Ginkgo tree and that Weeping Juniper - you found such joy in taking care of those and I can remember a phone call or two with updates on both.  

Today, Dad, I want to say thank you.  Thank you for just being who you were.  I'm so glad I got to know you better as I got older.  I will never forget your love of food and cooking, your passion for hunting and fishing (you taught me how to do both of those things!), drinking Manhattans and cheap red wine, and your never-ending thrill at finding your newest piece of Pacific Northwest Indian art treasure (and the late night phone calls to each of us kids sharing the latest find!).  And none of us can forget your love of people and the chance to share a story or two...

I wish you were still here.  I wish you were around to see my latest work and to teach me better photography skills.  I hope you are proud of me.  But most of all I wish you had been able to meet Len.  I know you met him in my dreams that night (thanks for coming) but that doesn't mean I can't wish that it had been in person - you two would have had a blast together!   I know you are looking out for us from up there.  Just know I love you and am grateful for all that you were! 

Lots of love,

Jenny

Purple...

Echium/photo by Len Baer

Stepping back...spiraling out

I'm working on my third canvas.  Number 2 is sitting on the floor in my studio glaring up at me.  At least that's what it feels like.  I'm really struggling with that one.  If I get the courage up I'll post some photos of the delightful (NOT) progression of it.  The only thing I like about it is the colors.  Not the imagery or the patterns, nothing else, nada.  I know it's just part of the process, but yuck - it's kind of painful, lol.  Painful in a good way?  Yes, in a I'm pushing myself and it is uncomfortable sort of way.  So Flora said to "spiral out" and step back when that happens.  I'm stepping waaaaaay back.  Like out-of-my-studio-into-the-house back.  She also recommends working on another canvas for a while which is what you see above.  That one has morphed into this:

We'll see what comes next...

Part of the journey?

I've been a little down the last couple of days so the thought of posting has been, well, just that, a thought.  I couldn't seem to put things into words because honestly I'm not sure if people really care to hear about those moments.  It's nothing big really, mostly frustrations with trying to make this self-employed lifestyle work, which as of late it hasn't been.  I just keep plugging away at it because that is really all I can do at the moment.  And that is okay.   Perhaps it's part of the journey?

Maybe it's because of my mind set these past few days or maybe because I've suffered from depression along the way - either which way I really want to share a link to a post I read just a few minutes ago by
The Bloggess.  If you're not familiar with her she is a very popular blogger who is insanely funny (she does tend to swear a lot so if that offends you she might not be for you) and who also suffers from depression.  And she is willing to talk about it.  A lot.  And from her heart.  Her post today is called "It comes around ...and around".  And it hit home for me.  It might for you too.

Temescal Hike and 'the look'

Prickly Heart

More pictures from our trip - these are from our hike up one of the trails that starts in Temescal Park/Pacific Palisades - my old stomping grounds as they say.  All those years there and I never knew about these trails.  I guess that's because we spent our days on the beach :) 

 

 

Another heart, but with flowers!

You'd think I would snap pictures of something other than cactus since I'm surrounded by them everyday here in Tucson!  I just couldn't help loving the shapes of these though. 

And here I am thinking that maybe I don't want to finish the trail ....  we took the wrong one - we meant to take the Waterfall trail but the one we chose was definitely not it.  Still nice but we did turn around after I gave Len 'the look'.  He loves 'the look'.  Do you have one of those looks?

Really? 

Beach booty...

Beach booty from Hendry's Beach in Santa Barbara...

We are back from our quick trip.  Had a wonderful time seeing Len's Mom and family - I feel so blessed to be a part of their clan!  He's got 4 beautiful sisters, 3 of them live in Lancaster so it was a great visit.  We managed to slip away one day to Santa Barbara - we both miss it so much.  It was a gorgeous day, perfect beach weather so we headed down to Hendry's Beach for a few hours.  The tide was low so I got to collect some fun beach booty.  Who can resist cool heart shaped rocks or ones with holes in them? A couple of them might even make it into a charm necklace - love that!  Below is a shot of the huge piece of driftwood that had a heart shaped window in it:

Heart window!

I have more to share later...

Love Love!

Frankly I'm cranky...

But then I looked at this bead:

And I smiled :)  She's a happy little Garden Sprite and I am happy I made her.  And now I will go back to cleaning the house for the house-sitter.  Nope, I'm still not done, because well, I get easily distracted! 

Love, love.

Full bloom.  That's all. 

Woke with a migraine.  It's hell cleaning toilets with a migraine.  But the list is long before we take a little trip this week and the house is filthy after the latest windstorm.  Not that the house is ever super clean of dust here in the desert. I'm trying to accept that, lol.  But still.  I should at least make the effort so the house-sitter doesn't run screaming from the house before we can even leave.  And I need to figure out how to do blog posts from my IPad.  Still working on that.  Anybody know and care to share?

Miss you Mom!

Happy Mother's Day!

Dear Mom,
Happy Mother's Day!  I miss you every single day.  Both you and Dad.  Why did you have to leave so soon?  I wish that I had had the chance to know you better as I got older.  To be able to talk with you as I worked my way through some of those life lessons that I'm sure you saw coming :).  To be able to sit and visit while you drank your coffee and yes, smoked those damn cigarettes!  I miss those moments.  I wish you could have been here to see me embark on this creative journey, to offer your encouragement and love as you always did.  I remember sitting in your workshop watching you piece together your projects - sometimes having me hold something for you while you added glue or pounded in a nail.  I'm sure you didn't even need my help but you made me feel like you did.  I have my own workshop now.  It's not filled with stacks of wood, table saws and sawdust but with colorful glass and paint and yes, a few hammers and saws too.  I feel at home in there, at peace.  Is that how it was for you?  I hope so.  On this special day I want to say thank you for your unconditional love and spirit and for bringing into this world my 4 brothers and sisters that are the best family a girl could have - we are so blessed.  You and Dad did good. 
Much love always,
Jenny

So I'm not really sure which was harder - doing my first blog post or starting my first large canvas painting when I took Flora Bowley's online class!  I put together this blog months ago but I couldn't get up the courage to start posting.  How silly is that!  Not sure what I was (am?) afraid of - maybe that no one will care one whit about what I have to say?  Yeah, probably.  Also, I think it had to do with me being a fairly private person and not knowing how much to share or not share.  But for some reason these past couple of weeks I just kept thinking - just do it!  Just START.  Just write something and see where it goes.  So here I am.  I hope you will join me on this journey!

Want to see what that first crazy step was like to my first large canvas painting?  All that white canvas just glaring up at me saying 'fill me up!'.  Yikes.  It was stupid scary to throw down that first bit of paint:

Layer after layer it has morphed into this:

and then into this:

There were definitely more layers in between but I wanted to share at least some of the progression:

and now:

Still not done....   But I'm thinking of calling her "Queen of her Castle".  Then again I might completely change it up, lol.  That's the beauty of working with these acrylic paints - don't like it? - just paint over it!  Love that!  I'll keep you posted on her progress!